When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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