so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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