Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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