In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
