You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
