so explain again why im purple
no
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
