It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
