ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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