my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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