Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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