My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
