I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
