I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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