obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
