Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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