Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
