So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
