Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize