Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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