if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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