Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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