9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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