woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
