everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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