I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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