do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
