hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize