Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
