im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize