weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
