Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you never un-have a 4some
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
