he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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