Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Found the puke drawer
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
