There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize