party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
