I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
