bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
