I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
