i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
