I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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