but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
