We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
