Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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