I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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