Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
