What did we do last night that was yellow?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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