you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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