I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
His hands were made for my vagina.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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