i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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