but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
