In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
