she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
third nipple confirmed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just had sex on a roof
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
