Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
