We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
do herpes really smell.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
no more duck duck goose at the bar
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize