And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
