Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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