just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
