She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
