we have pet lesbian snakes
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
