I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize