i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
