Heybabeimwearingurpanties
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
