i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
