I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
