im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
