I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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