if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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