Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize