My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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