I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
