a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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