i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
