If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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