the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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