Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
