i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
