Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize