You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
