If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We smell like vodka and hangover
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