I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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