I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Four minutes until I can fart!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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