My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
