farters have to be the big spoon...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
