Swine flu. Run for my life!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
