Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Where did you get a picture of my penis
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
